good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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