I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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