Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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