Your dad touched me again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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