uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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