and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
