i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
