i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
