New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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