the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
