now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
