the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize