At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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