nut hugger
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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