im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
