Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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