the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
