I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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