how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
