Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and she was petting her beer can
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
