The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
