Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
