my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
