I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
