I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
