It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
