I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
