Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
