I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone came in the potted fern
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
