I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
