maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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