Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
