I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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