I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
