I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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