Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
