Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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