I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
