youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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