my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
