At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize