shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
