the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
