Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
