I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
