i will never coherently bang her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
