You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
