honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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