OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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