Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
