do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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