Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
