I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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