I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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