I need help removing her.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
