HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
