I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
