life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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