she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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