I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize