OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
