You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize