i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
