just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
