Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
