Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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