I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
