life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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