I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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