nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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