is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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