I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
