I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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